It’s in the Cards

Three steps to a really bad moment in a drug store:

1. Stay up almost all night working to make sure that you are especially tired and easily irritated;

2. Be awakened by an early morning phone call that startles you out of sleep so that you answer the phone before noticing that caller ID warns you: it’s your ex calling; and

3. Go to the store to buy a “Get Well” card for a relative and be sure to get there at the exact time when every moron in town is opening those #%& musical greeting cards.

People: the cards play music when you open them. And if you open them again, they will play the music again. And, no, for the love of all things good, you don’t need to sing along.

All I wanted was a few get well cards. Not one, but two people in my very large family were under the weather and I wanted to buy a couple of cards. There are two card shopping options in the college town where I live: you’ve got the fancy, handmade cards that cost $7 each at a cute but very crowded little shop; and then there’s the drug store. For expediency, I went to the drug store.

There’s not much out there in the way of get well cards. There are the dopey cartoon cards, the saccharine poetry cards, and the glittery flower cards. The themes run from “Ouch! You’re in the Hospital!” to “There’s a Reason for Everything…” (This is where blank cards come in handy.)

While I was looking for a card, a couple came in and began opening the musical cards. Worse, the woman started signing. First it was “Wild Thing” then “Bad to the Bone” and then something that sounded like M.C. Hammer. After the couple opened about a dozen cards, they left.

And then came another shopper. She opened a few cards, let each ditty play for the entire 30 seconds, and then opened a few more. When she opened the card that “plays” “I Go Crazy” I turned and gave her my meanest look. She left.

I checked out Hallmark’s website to find out more about these cards. I wanted to know: have lawsuits been filed? Has there been a recall? When will it end?

Hallmark’s marketing people believe that they are “tapping into the emotional power of sound.” From Hallmark.com:

The addition of sound evokes more passion than a traditional card, according to Tim Bodendistel, art director for the line. “Music as well as favorite movie and TV shows evoke incredibly strong emotions,” Tim says. “They recall memories, moments, times and feelings – so many tangible connections that the sender and recipient share. They allow you to share secret jokes from movies, relate to someone over an old TV show, or evoke an emotion with a song. Adding sound to a greeting card is a perfect way to help the card’s sender express more meaning and to prompt that extra ‘wow’ from the recipient.”

No “wow” here; more like a “pow.” I think the music cards should come with a warning label: may cause others in the vicinity to rip the card out of your hand and smack you with it... then you'll get a get well card.

Until next time,

Conna